Contrary to the latest fashion, I don’t hate Walmart… but there are some things about them that annoy me.
I don’t care about supposed slave labor, anti-competitive pricing, alleged increase in local crime rates, or the fact that they are just trying to make a buck.
They ARE a business, and that’s what businesses do: Try to make money.
Nope, what really bothers me can be found inside.
Yep, it’s nice that they give older folk a job and a sense of belonging… just don’t inflict it on me. I’m not a social guy, and I rarely talk to strangers. I don’t really appreciate being forced into a conversation (no matter how brief) by an overzealous employee. I came to shop, get out of my @#$!ing way. If I wanted to socialize with senior citizens, I’d volunteer at an old folks home.
4. No Cold Soda In Bulk
Sure, if I want to overpay for a single at one of the small fridges at the checkout counter, I could do that. If I want a cold twelve pack of my favorite caffeinated beverage, I’m out of luck. What the hell is that? At least the beer is cold… probably won’t be by the time I get home and can actually drink it, but at least it’s cold if I want to go on a bender in the parking lot.
3. Impulse Items Beyond The Cash Registers
I’m not normally an impulse buyer, but sometimes when I see a $2 pack of Three Stooges films, I just gotta splurge. Why does Walmart put these items beyond the cash registers so that you see them AFTER you’ve made your purchases? If I want an impulse item, I have to grab it, have someone babysit my previous purchase, and then go wait in line again. Are they hoping I get in an endless consumer loop and keep returning to the cash register over and over, constantly discovering new things to buy?
2. Express Checkout
I tend to do my shopping en masse. I rarely have less than 30-40 items when I go to Walmart. Why are over half the checkout lanes 10 or 20 item limited? And why are the ‘slow’ lanes always closed? Sure, punish me for spending more money.
1. Anti-Smoking Conspiracy
Walmart must hate smokers, and the money they spend. Every Walmart I’ve ever been in sells cigarettes… but only in one checkout lane… and that checkout lane is one of the aforementioned ‘Express’ aisles. So I guess if you’re going to buy smokes at Walmart, they want you out of the building as quickly as possible, and don’t you DARE try to spend too much money on anything else.
Anti-smoking bigots. I hate you. I’ll see you next week when the groceries run low.